Moving West

Cleaning out and preparing for a big move can be an emotional experience.  The objects that I feel connected to contain the story of my past.  And in 18 days I take only a very small sliver of my past with me.  Too much baggage will make the path more labored and tiresome.  It is time to accept the fact that I must create a new life for myself in a place I felt connected to since I first visited.

As sad as it has been for me to go through all the old material I know that whatever is going to come out of this move is necessary. Come May 20^th, the morning after my brother and his fiancé’s engagement party, I say goodbye …yet the fire of excitement that has been growing within me gives me the courage to keep the faith and get on with it.

As of last week I resigned from my job, tuned up my car, and made my reservations.  A man I had yet to meet has cashed my check and sent me the keys to his apartment, my 2-month sublet, in Berkeley California.  I can’t wait to drive this great country again!  I guess the third time is truly a charm.

I do get nervous at times when my fear triumphs my faith, but I must say there is something about all this uncertainty that makes me feel liberated.  Yet before I do get to ahead of myself I feel it is important for me to honor the past so that I know in my heart where I am coming from and and what I am leaving behind.

Looking back through all the photographs, reading all the journal entries, and taking heartfelt note of all of those amazing people who have come into my life makes me realize that life is extremely precious and that I have been blessed. The love I have taken part in, with all of my family, friends, and lovers, has helped me come to love and understand the hardest person there is to know, myself.  So to all of those whom I may be leaving behind, you will always be with me.

Journeying forward now into the next chapter of my life!

The Archaic Revival: Evolving through the Survivalist Mentality to the Unity Mentality

For the sake of our own collective survival let us all give our full attention to the following questions:  Is it possible to thrive in this survivalist society, where one most become ambitions and competitive, where one is trying to out do the next person all to secure what they fear they cannot do without?  Or can we begin to feel how much more harmonious and productive we could be, how much more peaceful we could be, if we secured the needs of the community first as opposed to securing what we need as individuals?  I am definitely not talking about communism and I am not talking about any type of government intervention either.

When we, as a human society, come to know what trust is to its highest degree, we will no longer need governments dictating the way society operates.  Essentially the concept of property rights, the imaginary lines we place around each other to separate one another, is an example of how we do not trust each other.  But trust is the backbone to the social evolution needed to create harmony on this planet.  If we trust each other we will develop a society from that trust.

The number of people who want to build a more harmonious society with each other and with the Earth is growing.  But only when the majority of people see that humanity is one organism will we move closer to thriving on this planet.

Observe and question the main stream avenues of social influence.  Observe the main stream media, observe government, observe religion, and observe big business.  Do these institutions disseminate views and objectives that support unity and harmony or do they keep the illusion alive that we, above anything else, are different and separate from each other?

Be observant as to what you watch and listen to, your mind is registering everything, even those things which it can not readily discern.  Be careful to see that maybe the major avenues of social dissemination are subliminally telling you that you are an individual who is not good enough, not pretty enough, not strong enough, and not rich enough to be labeled a "success."  What is a success anyway?  Is something a success when it proves that you are "better" than another person at something?  What was that magazine trying to tell you about beauty and how you relate to it, what is the hollywood star telling you about how wonderful it is to be rich, popular, and influential?  Are these people really better than you?  Better yet, are these people fundamentally different than you?

There is no such thing as "better" only as far as you believe something or someone can be better.  Do you fear you must be better than someone else in order to secure your piece of the pie?  Is there not something fundamentally wrong with this way of life?

How are we to move from the survivalist mentality that has us competing against each other in a race to the bottom of consuming Earth's last resources to a more harmonious society that thrives and allows the Earth to function optimally?

I will leave you with one hint...in nomadic tribes there is no mental illness, rape, or hideous activity.  People depend upon each other because they know that even in their individuality they are a part of a greater functioning organism...the clan...Their individual survival is dependent upon the collection intentions of the group.

Yes, we live alone in our apartments and homes.  Yes, we commute alone.  Yes, we eat alone.  But aren't we just a clan inhabiting this planet?  We are humanity.  And only when we act to bolster and support each other will come to thrive on this planet.  Until then our fearful and individualistic nature will have us consuming the remaining resources of the Earth in pursuit of securing this resource for that country or this resource for that person.  What humanity needs now more than ever is an a archaic revival.  We will thrive upon this planet when we combine the ingenuity of the technological era with the intuitive knowing of the eras past that had us knowing without question...that we are one.

The Simple Things

The last six months I have been working in a group home for developmentally disabled adults.  This job has had a tremendous impact on me.  I have been through some very tough challenges.  Yet I have learned so much about life by observing the joy that these folks take in the simple things.  For example, just last night one of my favorite residents waved goodbye and blew a goodnight kiss to the basketball hoop in the backyard.  Despite his inability to walk on his own he nonetheless feels alive and powerful when we shoot hoops together.

I have been working in this house 32 hrs every week.  There are six full time residents in their late twenties to late thirties.  They display a wide range of diagnosis.  Some are severely mentally retarded, some have profound autistic tendencies, and one person, on top of being mentally retarded has the physical limitations that come with having cerebral palsy.

Simply put, these guys, at times of course, are some of the most grateful human beings I have ever come across.  They absorb themselves in the simple things that bring them joy.  While we tend to over complicate our lives with things that usually do not have much importance we tend to miss out on the profoundness that comes with fully enjoying the simple things in life.  I do not attribute their "absorption into the simple things" as being part of their condition, but rather I see it as their innate ability to be fully present in each moment [even if they cannot reflect on the situation the way you or I can]. 

Could you imagine being completely content by staring out the window for hours and hours, watching the cars go by, or by making a basketball shot, or by simply taking a car ride to put gas in the house van?  Believe me, these guys are no angels.  They get in fights with each other, they at times become defiant in response to staff recommendations, and they have me cleaning up things that you would rather me not talk about.  But here me out when I say this; I believe these guys are brave spirits that have walked into this life with these severe limitations to experience a life of profound challenge thus automatically enhancing their rapid self evolution. 

Imagine how much you would grow if you were "forced" to make peace with life if you couldn't even speak normally [even if you knew exactly what was going on around you], or if you couldn't walk without the assistance of a staff member while all that you wanted to do was be an independent and self-sufficient man, or if you had to have someone wipe your butt because you could not do it on your own?

In a bittersweet moment this weekend I gave the house manager my resignation letter.  In 4 weeks I leave New York in search for a new life in Berkeley California.  But now I will take a sense of perspective and gratefulness that I could have only acquired though living with these brave individuals.  Throughout my time working in this house as a direct care counselor I have learned to be grateful for the amazing abilities life has granted me with.  I can see!  I can walk!  I can think!  And oh yes, I can wipe my own butt!  Oh the simple yet profound joy of being able to roam this beautiful world...and to take in the sights and sounds of this amazing life....

Joy is as simple as that; Perceptual absorption, a moment to moment awareness, on the what is that is occurring all around you.  This could be the most joyful and liberating experience any person could ever have.  I have to thank these brave spirits for teaching me this in a whole new light.

The Role of Relationship

The reward of any successful relationship is the experience of love, joy, trust and comfort, but the greatest reward is the experience of coming to know yourself in a whole new light.  Think of relationships as reflective mirrors into your own self awareness.

Wether we become aware of it or not, intimate relationships give us the ability to understand ourselves in a deeper way, in a way that accentuates our current self understanding.  But keep in mind: a successful relationship requires a focused attention within and the willingness to be humble during the times that challenge your perspective.

I was having a discussion with my girlfriend about something that reflects this process.  She stated that "each and every person understands and experiences you in a different way, so therefore there no definite version of who you are."  This got me really thinking.  My first thought, a defensive one at that, was that maybe people just do not fully understand who we are and that their different experiences of who we are cannot touch the absoluteness of who we are.  Yet, in the awareness of my reactive defiance I attempted to see that I often become reactive and defensive when my girlfriend's perspective challenges my world view.  This is what I mean that relationships can become mirrors into our own self awareness.

[*All relationships offer this gift, even relationships to non-persons {for everything is in constant relationship}, but I believe that within the context of an intimate relationship the reflective mirror becomes potent, because a successful relationships requires that we become vulnerable to a degree that no other relationship requires.  Thus our emotional body is most highly sensitive within this type of relationship].

As our conversation continued, I wanted hold onto the notion that I already knew myself and that others just could not understand me in the way I know myself.  But then I realized I needed to humble myself with the same type of medicinal perspective that I write about in these posts...

Yes, I may declare to have a solid defined existence within my own self understanding, but can I really know exactly who I am?  Could the very declaration of "knowing who I am" keep me within this definition and thus keep me from experiencing myself in the realm of deep experiential understanding?  Could this declaration of "knowing myself" only stagnate my own personal evolution?

In my humbleness I stated back to her, "maybe you are right, but what is it that unites people in intimate relationship if everyone you know knows you differently and thus could bring you something unique and different?"  She wisely stated, as she always does, that "you stay with that person because they not only push you to become a better you, but you enjoy those aspects of yourself that become illuminated throughout the course of the relationship.  You enjoy the person you grow into with the aid of that partnership."  I smiled, and in that moment I realized that maybe I have been unconsciously holding onto ideas about myself that I have attached to as opposed to letting life evolve through me.

If you do not believe your relationship is pushing you to grow into the person you want to be, into the person you want to come to know and experience, than I suggest you look deeply into this.  What is going on within you and within the relationship that is stagnating your own evolution?  Maybe your own psychological defenses are disabling you and your partner from seeing how the two of you make each other better people.  We all become defensive from time to time.  I know I do this at times.

Maybe we don't have all the answers, maybe we will never know exactly who we are, but maybe there is someone out there who cares to come to know and experience who you are beyond all the ideas you have about yourself.  Maybe there is someone who simply wants to be with you because of how you make them feel, not because of "who you are" [who you think you are].   If you are currently with someone who pushes you to become a better person, who pushes you to go beyond your fears, and who feels and appreciates the greatness that you are [and are perpetually evolving into], be bold, and tell them you love them...if you don't feel love this person, I suggest you look within.  Something may be blocking you from feeling this love, the love that is inherently there.

We need to be humble to realize how another makes us better because in this understanding we need to see ourselves for what we really are...as a person that still needs to evolve...  This is the path of life.  Realize that any defensiveness that may arise does so because we unconsciously believe that there is nothing about us that needs to change.  Remember, the path is all about changing and evolving. This is how nature works, and you my friend, are as natural and pristine as mother nature herself.

Desiring Something New

There comes a time in one's life when the same patterns of your life simply make you feel dull.  A feeling brews within you that seems to drag on and everyday seems to be as repetitive as the last.  The cast and crew of your life revolves, but the feeling within you stays the same.  The same struggles, the same strife, the same internal response.  Do you yearn to be free from the monotony of every day living?

You may want to escape into some new endeavor.  Yet, regardless of what you are doing on the outside of your life you can truly never run away from yourself.  No matter where you are you will always be here, within yourself.  The feeling of you will always sit within you.

Although I believe that a new relationship, a new location, a new job, or a new hobby could reinvigorate life, the same sense of dullness becomes of us when our new endeavors become ritualistic.  So then how do we create our lives without the need to appease compulsory ritual?  For me, even writing this blog at times becomes ritualistic and dull.   So I must look within, I must challenge myself...how do I write new material if I myself do not become "new?"  The artist, the musician, the  homemaker, the builder, etc., only come to reinvent their work, their creations, when they themselves change on the inside.

Do you want to live day after day distracting yourself from that dull feeling within that screams..."I need something different!?"

It seems that there must come a time when you must seek something extraordinarily new.  To reinvigorate your life you must challenge yourself.  The challenge is beneficial to you because it teaches you to expand the boundaries of who you thought you were and what you thought you could handle.  This challenge does not require that you change something about your life, but it asks that you change the way you relate to yourself and to the things you do in relation to this inner feeling of who you are.

Doing something new may indeed force you to grow and reinvent yourself...but watch that these new endeavors do not become your escapes.  Identifying yourself within one particular change will keep you stuck in that change and block you from knowing more about yourself [the act of evolving]. Ground yourself in knowing that life presents you with opportunities to grow and that these growth periods happen within cycles. You will know when a cycle is complete, but it is up to you to intend for something that builds on these cycles as opposed to identifying with the changes that occur within that cycle.

A refreshing internal awakening comes about by pushing ourselves into something new, something that builds upon the foundations of who you are and who you continue to become.  Life is a perpetual practice of becoming...within the cycles we become, we grow, and we come to know and feel this growth.  So to finnish a particular life cycle we challenge ourselves by letting go of what we became and we consciously move into something new.  This is the art of living in the now.  Flowing...

Of course life from time to time can feel boring.  This is only natural.  But take time to reflect on this.  Seek what it is that is making you feel stagnant.  This is your inner self saying that a change is necessary, but do not force this change, allow it to flow into your life naturally.  Patience helps it all develop.  Look for the signs and signals that direct you to the next step along the path...

If you feel your life lacks purpose then question that possibility that the reason is your intentions are not pushing you to evolve.   How do you choose to live?  It is the toughest question anyone could impose upon themselves. Personal evolution is a subjective experience so I cannot tell you how you can change or what you should do.  What I can say though is that if you feel dullness, if you feel stagnant, it is time to do something about it.

Before you go on and make changes on the outside of your life seek what it is within you that desires change.  Sit with it.  Be patient.  Make changes with the awareness of knowing that you desire to experience a new aspect of yourself.  Consciously direct this.  This will enable you to come across something truly new and exciting.  This is how you move into deeper elements of who you are.

I am not going to sit here and profess how exciting and invigorating my life is, it is boring at times just like yours, maybe more so now than ever.  But what I will attempt to do for myself now in this moment of restlessness is attempt to become still and to let new intentions come into me as opposed to forcing it.

If you are feeling restless, bored, and the rest of it...give yourself space to be still and to become aware of what it is that is brewing within you.  Move towards whatever feels light and right.  Discover clarity through sensation.  Bodily awareness is a source of knowledge and insight in and of itself.  Could understanding yourself through your body evolve how you live within your environment?  Could understanding yourself this way direct you into something new?  Would you change your approach to life?

This is your journey and only you will both direct and witness as to how your life proceeds....But why not go forth with the yearning to know what it is that you want at the deepest level of your soul.  Why not move into that...

Understanding Oneness

“In the stillness of your presence you can feel your own formless and timeless reality as the unmanifested life that animates your physical form.  You can then feel the same life deep within every other human and every other creature.  You can look beyond the veil of form and separation.  This is the realization of oneness.  This is love.” – Eckhart Tolle

Beyond all the thoughts we have about ourselves, beyond all the concepts and ideas that shape our personal identity exists the core of who we really are.  The formless and the timeless reality grounds itself in the soul of each person and every creature.  When the mind is still you can feel this energy, the formless and the timeless reality, moving through you.  This is the awareness of source energy.  Yet, the vast majority of people seldom become aware of source energy.

Generally we tend to focus our awareness solely through the mind.  This blocks our awareness from sensing the presence of our own being.  Therefore, when we focus our awareness purely on our thoughts we minimize our ability to function optimally.  To be a seer into one’s life, to see your path clearly, requires an awareness that transcends the limitations of repetitive thinking.

The thoughts that we identity with make up the relative self.  The relative self only comes to know and understand itself through comparison and judgement with other people and things.  This is the basis of duality.  Of course everyone is differentiated in the sense that we all have special talents, unique physical attributes, and specific weaknesses which to transcend, but when this sense of relative existence all what we identify with a formula for inner and outer conflict arises. 

In the isolation of our own minds we lose sight of the formless and timeless reality that holds all of life together.  When awareness is filtered solely through our mind’s concepts and abstractions we diminish our ability to connect with the flow of life and create with life in the way that life itself operates.  Life is not an abstraction.  It simply is.  Therefore, your being-ness is the same as nature and it's is-ness.  So can you be with what is as opposed to being with what you think is?  Can you be more like nature?

The restless mind, with all if its constant analysis, comparison, and judgment, keeps our focus purely in the relative world.  This is the core of human suffering because in our isolation we seek out salvation by judging our selves as superior to another.  Or we mask our illusory inferiority and the pain derived from this sense of lack through addictive and self-damaging behavior.  Yes, it is damaging to incriminate yourself on the grounds that you could have done something better, or that you feel as if you are not as good as someone else, etc.  You did as only you knew how in that given moment…Nothing more, nothing less.  Self-forgiveness is an access point into your enlightenment.

Beyond the mentally defined and operated world is a sense of perception that transcends relativism.  Beyond our self-imposed isolation is our true nature…it is a feeling that we come to through pure awareness uninterrupted by the mind.  This sense of self cannot be judged.  It can only be experienced. So therefore, simply experience your life and stop trying to judge it.

Eckhart Tolle consistently states that only within a state of stillness, when we feel the self beyond the mind, will we come to know true love and peace. 

What does Eckhart mean when he speaks of the unmanifested life that animates your physical form [from the opening quote]?  What is he trying to convey when he states that this is something we can feel? 

What I believe he is saying is that there is an energy that resides within us that contains the source of unlimited potential to make manifest what it is that we are intending to become.  He states that this same energy that resides within us also resides within everything.  This is the unmanifested because it is the energetic all that has yet to be.  It is the all will be.  All aspects of existence flow through life together, evolving together, whether we see this or not.  This is what it means to see past separation.  He does not mean that you necessarily see this with your eyes, although this unity is something you can see, and in actuality it is all that you do see, but he means that we can see through feeling.  To feel with your eyes…

Judda Krishnamurti, one of my favorite philosophers of all time, posed the question.

"When we say we see a tree or a flower or a person, do we actually see them? Or do we merely see the image that the word has created? That is, when you look at a tree or at a cloud of an evening full of light and delight, do you actually see it, not only with your eyes and intellectually, but totally, completely?"

I believe that this is type of perception that Eckhart is talking about.  Both Eckhart and Krishnamurti emphasize seeing life without the interference of mind identification.

I will close this piece on one more of Eckhart’s insights.  He states,

“What is God?  God is the eternal one life underneath all the forms of life.  What is love?  Love is to feel the presence of that one life deep within yourself and within all creatures.  To be it.  Therefore, all love is the love of God.” 

So I ask you, for the sake of your own peace, to seek stillness.  Give yourself the space and time to get to know the real you.  In your stillness observe the mind, but do not give thought and abstraction your clinging awareness.  Do not let it become your identity.  If only for a moment seek to feel the life energy that brews within you.  That is the real you…And maybe then you will remember that you are already everything you need to be and become.  Maybe then you will remember that you are life…why not create your life from the sensation of self that is uninterrupted by the mind?  Create your life in the flow of your experiential experience in this moment and this moment only.  The mind cannot know the unmanifested and the energy contained within you, but your heart sure can.  This is were faith comes into to play.  Trust your heart.

Realize the oneness within you and all around you.  This is what love is.  How then would your life change if you walked the path of life with this realization in your heart? 

To Change Your Life You Need to Face Your Reality; A Story For Us All

Sometimes we simply just don’t want to deal with the things that have us feeling out of balance.  Yet, there comes a point where our mental unease brings about a life that is no longer enjoyable, and believe me, I know what that feels like.  But could it be that the emotions we hide from contain a message we need to hear?  At a time not so long ago this spoke very true to me.

For me, this unease came to a threshold when I quit my job on October 7^th of last year [Ironically on my birthday].  For months I was battling in my mind with what I thought was right and what I felt was right in my heart.  For nearly a two-year period I was working for my father at his successful textile company.  Everything was set up for me and all I had to do was learn to love it.  I was paid well, the atmosphere was laid back, and eventually I was to become the owner.  But the whole time I felt unsatisfied.  I kept saying to myself, the money is great, I love the people I work with, and I was working in the heart of New York City, how could I not love what I was doing?  I had it made, but there was one thing missing…passion.

On a daily basis I interacted with fun and creative people to whom I sold some of the world’s most beautiful fabric.  Yet, on the inside I was miserable.  Interestingly enough, the house of cards fell for me during the height of the Occupy Wall Street movement.  On typical workdays last summer I would take the subway downtown after work to rally and march in support of making known the injustices of society.  In a way it seemed hypercritical, but I was doing what felt right.  The Occupy movement connected me with a passion that had lay dormant within me for years.  Subsequently, this passion had awoken me to what I was really feeling about my career.  And so it was, on a mild fall evening in October, I quit the family business.

That evening as I was packing my stuff and saying goodbye my friend Juliette called me.  “Are you going to meet me tonight at the meditation circle down at occupy tonight?” she asked.  We met that evening and she sensed my unease.  Like a good friend, she stood still with me, calmed my nerves, and assured me that I did the right thing because I followed my heart.  As we walked into the occupy camp that night I saw a “sign” that I will never forget.  In a pile of cardboard signs, depicting peoples art, quotes of empowerment, and signals of social and economic injustice, I saw one that literally stood out.  It was on a stick that stood out higher than all the others and all it simply said was “coaching.”  I gave out a lighthearted laugh and in that instant I knew I was destined to become a life coach. 

Prior to this experience I had finished all the life coach training courses I needed to, but because of my busy work schedule I did not have the time to set aside to create and build my business.  But here it was, my “sign” on a sign! It told me exactly what I needed to move towards.  It was incredible to say the least.  Furthermore, a few weeks prior to that I had an experience at Occupy that supported this life changing decision.  You can read more about it here [Divine Synchronicity].  Regardless of the clarity that set upon me that evening, this change had been a long time coming.  I had become complacent with my reality and these feelings of misery became normal. 

I don’t think I am the only one who knows what that is like.  Even if we do not want to admit it, feelings of miserable complacency may happen to all of us at some point or another.  It may occur during a relationship, or like me, in the midst of a career.  At this point it usually takes a life experience or a pivotal point in ones relationship with another that makes you feel what it is that you are unaware of inside so that you make a change.  For me, it was the experience of Occupy, the love of good friends, and a latent desire for a new life.

I admit getting in touch with the whole gauntlet of human emotions is not always easy.  On the surface, it may feel as if nothing is wrong, but brewing in the realms of our unconsciousness is a state of emotional unease.  Think of the times when you have had to have another person point out to you how sad or angry you were before you actually became aware of what you were feeling. 

Again, it usually takes a humbling realization or a crucial life experience to “tip your scales” and awaken you into a state of self-realization; whereas we allow ourselves to feel what it is that we are feeling.  In the dawn of this often painful and humbling realization you are given the choice.  At this point you can either take ownership for your feelings and create the change you need or you can continue to disregard your unease and make excuses for yourself.  You may justify your unease and misery by saying things to yourself like “the world is just not fair” or, “it is just normal not to love what you do.” 

Believe me, I only come to write this material because I know what it is to come to the realization of my own unconscious self-ignorance.  It was a very humbling process to realize how complacent I was with feeling miserable and having a career I did not feel passionate about.

No one is perfect and no one is immune to the emotional ebbs and flows of life.  But each time emotional unease brews within you it creates the platform for our own evolution.  Without our ignorance there would be nothing to evolve into.  Our ignorance gives us the ability to know deeper aspects of ourselves.  So with that being said, forgive yourself!  You can move towards passion instead of feeling triumphed by fear.  It is Ok to be afraid, but it is up to you to conquer this fear.

Any misery or emotional unease you may feel is your inner guide trying to communicate something to you.  Of course this is not the only way in which your inner guide communicates with you, but it is a necessary one.

All of this is part of the journey, but what at speed do you want your life to unfold the way you want it to? Remember the statements we heard as children, such as “dream big,” or “make your dreams a reality?”  Well, what is your life for, but if not to make manifest your desires?  Is your life for someone else or is it for you? 

Acting out of self love as opposed to heeding your fears speeds up your evolutionary process.  Creating the life situation you really desire is all about having the courage to defy your fears and having faith that your self-love will propel you into the experiences that will bring this desired change.  Step by step life will test these convictions, but your courageous actions in each successive moment change everything.

It is important to realize that your goals are never ending.  There is never an endpoint that is going to liberate you.  There is only following in this moment what your heart is telling you.  What is really going to liberate you is being grateful for what the journey has presented you with. 

We do not always have control over everything in our lives, but we certainly do have control as to how we interact with what occurs.  We will always be in a cycle of ignorance and awareness; we will always be within the movement between unconsciousness and consciousness.  But see that this cycle is not circular movement, it is a spiral one…and the more intent you put into consciously creating the life you want the more quickly you will evolve up that spiral.  That is the journey.  You may take a step back, but you will take two steps forward…remember, taking that step back was necessary.  There is perfection in in-perfection!

So I ask you, are you grateful for this moment?  This is the moment that presents you with the ability to make manifest what it is that you desire for yourself.  Being grateful shifts your energy and inevitably shifts your life.  All interactions with people, places, and things, present the opportunity to step into a state of awareness that grants you control over your internal disposition.  What it is that you feel on the inside declares to the world who and what you are.  And who you are declares what you will become…

You have control despite whatever it is you may think or feel now.  Find your control in the faith and knowing that your life will advance if you seek what is natural for yourself.  You can find what is natural for you though only in the depths of your heart.  So seek your truth and so shall you be free from your misery…

For me it was not natural to be doing what I was doing for those two years.  And I know now it takes being what you’re not to find out who you are.  I am grateful for that experience in retrospect.  It allowed me to tap into a sense of courage that I used to only idealize.  In the culmination of those two years I was granted with the greatest birthday gift I ever gave myself...self-honesty...

You Are The World

Do you ever feel as if you want to be a part of something bigger than yourself?  Thing is, you are already are, we all are.  We all are because we a part of life and the movement of creation.  Bob Marley made this clear in his song exodus when he stated, “So were going to walk, all right, through the roads of creation!”  And yes, we are the generation that will “trod through great tribulation.”  No matter how intense things may get and no matter how big the yearning grows inside of you to contribute to “changing the world,” we cannot forget that the world is not something outside of us…it is within us.  This then hints to the process as to how the world actually changes…do you see where I am going with this?  I will give you a hint, look within!

I admit, sometimes I forget how profound this realization really is.  Getting caught up in my daily responsibilities or in focusing my attention on “how messed up things are” only draws my attention away from this experiential realization.  Yet, when I set aside my restless mind through focused awareness on the now I bring myself into a state of cognitive liberation.  It seems to me that only in this state of cognitive liberation can I deeply feel a sense of peaceful community and powerful unity with my surroundings.  When we feel this together we start changing the world through our everyday interactions because on the inside we are profoundly aware of what is and not just what we are thinking about.  This is what the great global awakening is all about.  It is the empathic movement.  As we “trod through the great tribulation” we walk in unity.

What has thwarted unity for centuries now is the mind and its dogma.  Our minds, our belief structures, and our repetitive modes of perceiving life have hindered us from feeling the interconnectivity of all things.  It is important than to not let the mind use you through its engrained and repetitive ways.  Why not use the mind in tandem with a deep penetrating silence.  Internal silence opens up your experiential awareness to witness the all encompassing what is.  At this point of awakening the mind will absorb new awareness as opposed to recycling thoughts…your life will take on new meaning because your receptivity will enhance your awakening.  This is how the internal guide evolves.

Granted it has been our differences that have led to segregation, brutality, and war, but regardless of how diverse we all are we are nonetheless linked by something that transcends our diversity.  It is something at the core of who we are as individuals and it is something we all share in common as a collective.

When we realize we are humanity we come to realize how equal we are to everyone and everything.  Our superficial differences are shattered through this perceptual awakening.  As liberating as this concept can be it can also be very humbling.  It would be humbling to admit to yourself that you are equal to the beggar on the street, the lunatic in the asylum, or the thief who robs the innocent.  How about the person with severe mental retardation, severe schizophrenia, or the billionaire standing on top of his or her empire?  What is it that actually makes us believe we are to be separated, categorized, and ranked amongst each other?  It seems that we often separate ourselves based on the measures of our I.Q., our bank accounts, our jobs, our belief systems, and the part of world we come from.  But do these differences really separate us?  They may make us different, but do they separate us?  All these labels, categories, and ways of being are nothing but mind creations that perpetuate themselves through unconscious adherence to stagnant social norms.

Granted, there are people doing terrible things, but they are not doing terrible things out of their own isolated agendas.  People do horrible things because they have been conditioned to see the world the way they do. The thief acts through the compulsions in his or her mind.  People who commit evil acts typically have had countless interactions with others who have traumatized their sense of self worth and or have conditioned them to see that power over another is the only way to gain control. These people unconsciously relive what has been done to them, in the same way a child who was abused abuses their child.  Yet, the only way to reverse this evil is through forgiveness.  Forgiveness of another unconscious act is the only way to show them that they no longer need to hide behind their superficial sense of power.  Forgiveness and acceptance create the foundation of human evolution.

I know this all sounds overly optimistic, but we must look deeply into all of this, the good and the bad.  The world is not a cruel place for no reason...There is evil in this world only because there is fear and fear is nothing but a mind creation.  I do not want us to get this mixed up with caution.  The body instinctively protects itself through caution.  But what I am talking about is how we generate fears inside of us based on pre-conceived ideas about people that are different than us.  We fear these differences.  We fear the unknown qualities of another.  Yet all this consumption in another’s differences distracts us from seeing the inherently unity that we all share.  So I ask us all to ponder, would fear diminish if we realized that we are all apart of the same "human organism?”  Would the world then change if we, as a collective, acted in a way that protected the human organism’s integrity to the best of our ability?

I know I am posting my own beliefs here in this entry but I do feel that there is nothing out there, no life status, no test, or any self-story that would justify someone as "better" than someone else.  I come to this belief because I realize that everything is tied together and that the only boundaries between you and I are physical.  But why should a physical boundary denote separation.  Physically speaking we are not so physical.  Quantum physics has empirically proven that we are mostly empty space.  The illusion of physicality is simply that, an illusion.  Everything is energetically tied together.  This is how we feel empathy not only for each other, but also for the world, and creation it self.  Yet the basis of the post is not about quantum mechanics, so I digress [I will post an article about that soon].

The shape of the world is the way it is because of all of our collective actions.  This will always be the case.  Yes, I realize that some people are more intent on "changing the world for the better," and I grateful for them, but at the end of the day this pursuit can only satisfy their own life mission.  Remember, the world is within you.  There is no level of comparison.  No one human is better than another, no matter what they do with their life.  Human potential is unlimited and it can only be awoken through individual pursuits.  Every person is an individual expression of creation itself.

Ironically it is our diversity that unites us.  Our answers to a peaceful tomorrow are found in our diversity.  Each person has an answer, but only when we combine our answers together do we solve the human dilemma.  If we would stop seeing our differences as things that differentiated us, and began to see them as aspects of creation that bring us closer to a solution we would move closer to peace.  I am not talking about the differences we hold in our minds, those are just abstractions.  I am talking about our differences in the ways in which we express our creativity.  When we funnel our creative actions together we will project humanity into a new dawn.  So that is how you can contribute to world peace.  Simply be you.  Express who you are without fear of condemnation.  Those who condemn you exist, to their own dismay, within the isolation of their own ego.  Your reward in stepping outside the limitations of cultural separatism is love.  And it is this love that will not only change the world, it will change you…because you are the world…

A Personal Quest: Transforming into a Counselor

Although I did not realize it then, working with people in this intimate way was going to become my life passion.  During my undergraduate years away at school I often found myself in a informal counseling role with those whom I interacted with.  Whether it was on the great lawn at school, in someone's apartment, or at some local venue, there I was, the guy talking to someone seriously, not about my life, but about theirs.  This was something I naturally enjoyed.  Being able to understand someone without having prior history about them felt surreal to me.  Offering insight to them, a perspective into their own world, felt as if I were giving them back to themselves.  This evoked a feeling in me that made me feel alive.

I would come to realize down the road that these important interactions would fundamentally shape the way I approached healing and therapy.  These experiences, among many others, is what led me to apply to graduate school.

During my graduate work I was blessed with the opportunity to work with "at-risk" youth as their counselor.  I was the intern therapist for a 1,000 hour internship.  I was a nervous wreck from the start.  From day one I was challenged by stories I did not come across on a typical day.  Many of these people have had an assortment of challenges by the age of 18 that many people never experience in their lifetime.  As doubt often makes its way into all of our lives during our greatest personal challenges I found myself questioning my ability to offer guidance and relate.  Yet here I was, trying to help them.

During this experience I profoundly realized two things.  Firstly, that all people hold within them a will to evolve and move past their troubles no matter where they come from or what they experience.  And secondly, I was still good at listening, offering insight, and helping people no matter their life experience.  It did not matter that I was working with people from inner city gangs although I was some "white guy" from a predominantly white suburb.  Both my clients and I realized that people are people no matter what and that life challenges and changes were aspects of life that united everyone.  During and after this internship I was convinced that working with people one on one was the career for me.

Yet, to my disappointment, I found that most work done in the field of psychology was very institutionalized and that the conduct of therapy was severely influenced by the demands of insurance and pharmaceutical companies.  I am not hear to declare that main stream psychology has not helped people.  It has.  But I feel that it has also left many people either more damaged then when they started or left them yearning for something more.  I feel that a lot of the time the institution of psychology and psychopharmacology has left many people dependent upon medications that, for the most part, suppress their emotional experience.

I understand the counter to this argument.  That psychotropic medication helps people get back into the work force so that they can support themselves.  Yet, I am talking about the overwhelming majority of cases where psychiatrists are incentivized to medically treat people with a cocktail of pills as a first line of treatment as opposed to helping people understand themselves so that they can help heal themselves and live a meaningful life.   To me, mental illness is a individual problem that has its roots in a social dilemma.  I see it that people do not need short term solutions, but they need encouragement, confidence, and mental strength to transform themselves so that they can influence the world around them in a positive way. *I would like to add that I know a handful of therapists who have helped people tremendously [and they typically feel the same way I do on this topic].

I admit I have a bias because I have had personal life experiences that support my view.  During a very hard time in my life, around the age of 18, I sought help from a psychiatrist.  I was dealing with the tragic death of four of my best friends as well as a family divorce.  I felt lost and was unsure of what to do.  So without much direction I entered the office of a psychiatrist.  I sat with this seemingly detached and uninterested man for 90 minuets telling him my life story.  When I left I handed him a check for $300 in exchange for a diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder and depression, as well as a script for an SSRI [anti-anxiety/depression medication].

For the year that I was on this medication I became increasingly numb to life.  I distinctly remember the feeling of not even being able to feel my emotions.  I knew that I felt sad in my mind, but I could not feel it in my body.  Furthermore, I had a girlfriend I loved at the time, but I could not even feel this love in my body [I started the medication halfway through our relationship].  Yet, as my freshman year at college preceded I began to feel that I knew I was responsible for my own well-being and that if I were to seek help it was going to be from people who really wanted to help me help myself.  [I will disclose more about my own personal transformation in another post].  So I digress.

To me, the field of psychology was feeling more and more impersonal and less and less about empathic exchange.  During my graduate years I developed the notion that the institution felt to be more about keeping "patients" compliant with the norms prescribed by the institution which seemingly held a distinct boundary, often times patronizing, between the "patient" and the therapist.

I will not say that graduate school did not offer me anything, to the contrary it taught me so much about the therapeutic exchange and about the importance of proper delivery.  Graduate school taught me, to a great degree, about the unconscious and conscious processes of the human mind.  Importantly, it was a time of great introspection and self growth as many of my courses had an experiential undertone.  Nonetheless, I gained the sense that unless I had my own private practice that was uninfluenced by the insurance and pharmaceutical matrix I would not be offering the most I could to the world and to the people which whom I work with.  Because of personal experience as well as moral principle I sought my own path.

Now nearing my 3rd decade on this blue green planet I feel that my convictions and determination have led me into the right career.  As a coach and counselor I feel that I can help people learn how to help themselves.  I like to call this "giving people back to themselves."  I call it this because people, often times when in need of healing, are led to believe that the remedy lies outside of themselves.  Yet, what I teach people is how to get back in touch with the guide they have from within.  It is a form of preventative mental health.  It is similar to preventative health in regards to physical health.  For example, if we can learn how to take care of our bodies from the start we decrease our reliance on the medical institution and outside authority.  In this regard we take control of our own physical health as opposed to waiting for a problem to happen and then to seek help.  I help my clients do the same thing in regards to their own mental health.  Through our work together I teach you how to become your own coach and counselor [as this is something I have done for myself].

This is only part of the story of course.  I can go on for days, as too why and how I have transformed into a life coach, but that will be exhausting for the both of us.  Just like you, it has been life's challenges that have helped me evolve and become the person I am today.  If you are seeking greater clarity into your own life and path then I am here for you.  If you seeking help to understand and move past some of the most troubling aspects of your life then I am here for you.  It would be my honor and great pleasure to assists you in your own personal development.

What is Truth?

If there were an absolute truth, something undeniably real that exerts natural law over existence, what would it be?  Would it be God?

I feel that I am left with such confusion over the matter because I know that my mind cannot fully grasp the eternal, god, or the infinite cosmos.  Yet, there is still something within me that wants to know, with certainty, what this thing we call life is all about.

Is it possible that life, in its ambiguous nature, could simply be a mystery to which we will ponder for eternity?  Could it be that the more we come to understand life we come to realize that the act of “understanding reality” only expands infinitely?

Of course, throughout our of years inhabiting this planet we have gained great knowledge and insight into the nature of life.  Mathematics, the language of the universe, has allowed us to peer deeply into the hypothetical realm of realization.  Science has enabled us to look deeper into the roots of our existence.  Science has also allowed us to develop great technologies that aid civilization.  We have discovered a lot about the world around us and the world within us through these mediums.  Yet, it seems that there is still something so fundamental to life that eludes us…

It is very sad to acknowledge the fact that wars have been fought over one group’s declaration of their truth over another group’s truth of what "God" is.  Relationships have been squandered, progress has been deterred, and unity has been thwarted all because different segments of our society hold their “truth” as superior to another’s.  I am not here to have a debate about religion, but I am here to observe that maybe God after all is not something to be statically defined but rather that the understanding of God eludes linguistic definition.  Maybe the truth is that there is only an experiential understand of God – meaning that we can only perceive this beacon of creation through our sensations.  I am trying to imply that we cannot fully understand God with the mind, but rather we can better understand creation [God] through our feelings.

Imagine the social implications if the masses stopped to find truth and clarity in words and concepts and started to seek truth through pure perception and feeling? 

We would be very egotistical to think that cognitive understanding is the peak of universal consciousness.  Could there not be an entity that perceives and experiences life with a greater aptitude to “understand” what life is really all about?  Maybe that entity is in some other part of the cosmos, in some other civilization across the sphere of the infinite universe, or maybe that entity is within us, waiting to be realized and realized again as human consciousness evolves into higher plains of perceptual understanding.

If it were true that human beings can evolve, consciously speaking, it would hint to the possibility that there is no end to realization, no end to the expansion of perceptual consciousness.  If this is true than what are we here for?  We are now trekking into the unknown, the aspect of reality beyond our grasp, but maybe it is possible that within the realm of the unknown lies are potential?  The realm of experience beyond the mind...

Maybe the truth is that there is no truth but the truth we call our own.  Would I be so brash to say that God is an individually sacred concept and that each individual's declaration of what God is is true? Could the experience of God be a subjective one?  Could absolute truth be subjective?

Our declarations of truth influence the way we co-create life.  Maybe thats what is so fundamental to life.  Maybe that is what connects all of life together. It seem that every unit of consciousness exerts a degree of control as to the way life unfolds.  Therefore, if the human experience occurs within the realm of creation itself and that we are co-creating our lives and thus influencing the outcome...are we not then God's - aspects of God existing within the infinite sphere of creation [of God]?

So in my realization of the greatness that is life I find a feeling, a subtle feeling, a feeling not bound by the limitations of words, that empowers me.

Without the mental concepts as too what "God" is or what "absolute truth is" I now realize I know less than I thought I knew.  But in that realization I am awoken to the perception of something greater than the ego centered person I have come to know.  This seems to me to be what ego transcendence is all about.