Feeling Humbled, Feeling You

I declare to myself that "I am equal to the beggar" and that "I am no more special than anyone."  It is an ultimate feeling of humility and it enables me to see and feel life in a deeply humbling way.  It is this feeling of humility that helps me observe my selfish and narcissistic qualities with understanding and compassion.  For in the process I naturally forgive myself for having a sense of self that I falsely believed was "better" than anyone else.

I observe that any sense of narcissism I employ is a psychological defense in attempts to protect my ego from some real or unreal threat to my sense of self worth.  It is a sense of selfishness that I observe exists in relationships until I grasp a greater awareness of it.  It has its roots deep in the notion that I cannot be less then another, or that I cannot be weak,  and that I must be better than another if I am going to be a "success."

Any feeling that allows us to feel superior to another has a myriad of consequences.  Any self proclaimed sense of superiority over another gives one a short term (albeit superficial) sense of power.  This is a psychological quality that is pervasive within our culture.  It is seen in our overly ambitious, competitive, and self centered culture.  When we claim we are "better" than others we attempt to gain strength and advantage [however illusory].  Yet, these self proclamations have inter-personal consequences that keeps us less aware and out of touch with each other.

Intimate relationships, especially those with a romantic partner, give us great opportunity into witnessing acts of selfishness.  Compromise is a vital part of a healthy relationship and selfishness and or narcissism disables us from being fully present so that we can be aware of the aspects of self that we should put aside for the sake of another's feeling or concerns.  The other consequence of declaring yourself as better than another, in any sense, pushes you from connecting with others in a deep heartfelt way.

I humbly admit that during times of my life I felt as if I "knew more" or "felt more" or "was more connected."  I admit I have not always been completely and utterly aware of all of my narcissistic and selfish qualities.  At times I have not allowed myself to see how my actions have affected others.  Although these thoughts and feeling protected me in ways [because I thought they allowed me to feel greater and "more equipped to deal with life" than others], they also debilitated me from knowing and understanding my greatest strength... That is the ability to be here with you now... All of you... And see you for exactly who you are...divine without adjustment or a need for comparison.

In this realization I see the beauty of the divine in all, the oneness in everything, and the gift of understanding myself through you.  Understanding oneself deeply is only possible by being fully present with the other.

So I must remind myself that I am not more special or better than anyone else.  It helps me be with life in a profound and compassionate way.  And in that feeling, in that connection I realize how special we really are at the root of our nature.  Because we are ultimately one organism and narcissism is the antithesis of this realization for it pushes us further away from feeling our inherent connection.