What is it that You Want...?

What is it that we are seeking? Are we even sure of what we want? Do we even question what we want? Do we simply want to be comfortable, to feel secure, to have secure loving relationships? Would I be so much of an iconoclast to say that many of the things we seemingly want are conditioned into us through the adherence to a dominant social paradigm? This is not to say that feeling comfortable, feeling secure, and having a loving relationship is not part of the human experience, but it seems to me that many of the ideals we follow, the goals we strive towards and types of relationships we seek could be done out of complacency with the "norms." Again, I am not putting a value judgment on this, there is nothing wrong with complacency, but I wonder, and I wonder if you wonder, if there is more to this social routine.

Question this, do you do the things you do because you feel compelled to do them or do you do them out of your own inclination? The boundaries here are often quite blurred, but time in silence enables the inner voice to differentiate itself from influence all around you. But maybe you want to be influenced, and then again there is nothing wrong with that...for this is your blessed human experience and choice as to how you proceed is your ultimate gift.

I often question simple social concepts, in particular marriage. Now, there is something very beautiful in this declaration. To state there is no other human being out there that makes you feel more complete, more like who you are is extremely beautiful, but I question...can we love more than one person at a time sincerely? Can we decide right now, how we will feel about a certain person 20 years from now (or do we simply make the decision now that in all the proceeding moments of now we will be this person's companion for life)? But what about the reality that various partners across the span of our lives can bring us love, joy, companionship, as well as a mirror for growth? Why does a man-made institution need to "sanctify" a partnership? Or maybe there is just something simply profound in taking that leap of faith with someone...

I Don't even think it is necessarily important for me to answer these questions here, for the answers are all subjective in nature and there definitely is no superior answer. Yet I feel if we do question them, look at them, not necessarily answer them with our minds, but answer them with the calling in our hearts, we may find more heart felt, more sincere answers from deep within. But the most important question, pertaining to any type of relationship, would be: What does this relationship bring into my life, and how does it make me feel more alive? If you can answer this question in a healthy manor, this would reflect a healthy relationship.

Maybe it is just my Libra nature to be so inquisitive about everything, yet I find that there is something beautiful in really feeling something deeply. For this enables us to really know what it is that we want, not just in the mind, but totally, completely. To go through the gauntlet of feelings and experiences, questions and answers (not from the mind, but through experience) allows us to walk deeply into our subsequent experience, however we choose them to be.

The thing about life is that not all the answers are laid before us. In actuality none of them are for this is our journey through experiential discovery. We create each successive moment through choice and whether or not that choice comes through a sincere individual decision or a decision that comes through influence and conformity - is nonetheless a matter of choice. Because to have an outside force choose for you is nonetheless a choice. Furthermore, not making a decision is a decision in and of itself. So what I am I essentially saying in this entry is...well, why not just seek for yourself what exactly it is that you want...what do YOU want beyond all the influence. And most importantly, always forgive yourself past experiences that you wish you had no part in. For the past brought you here right now. And without the gauntlet of experiences you would not be as amazing as you are now.