It seems that couples that allow their partners to safely
feel intimate create a relationship that inspires personal growth. To know if your relationship is one
that allows you to safely feel intimate ask yourself if you feel safe becoming
emotionally exposed. When you
attempt to no longer hide behind your defenses you allow yourself to be
vulnerable. Yet as we all know,
being vulnerable does not come easy.
Intimate relationships are good for our own personal
evolution because they give us clear perspective into our behavior. Relationships give us opportunities too
see how the past, with all of its cumulative experience, has shaped how we
relate to our partner today. Thus
relationships become an experience to which we can change the way in which the past
may have a hold on us. We can
change the way we relate to the present by tracing the roots of the emotions
that surface during times of heightened emotion. Awareness gives us the power to evolve past old ways of
being that no longer serve us.
Awareness gives us control by holding the past accountable for how we
react in the now. Forgiveness is
the means that allows us to move on with the control gained through awareness. When you realize that that you are no
longer the impulse that pushes you to act or feel something you are given the
power to evolve through those old engrained behaviors and feelings.
A healthy relationship is bound to make you expand on the
notions you have about yourself.
It does this by forcing you to break free of your emotional isolation
and share your life with another.
This is the essence of intimacy.
We become intimate because with this emotional exchange we make
ourselves susceptible to showing our partners our “dark side.” We all enter
relationships with emotional baggage.
Nobody is flawless.
As a side note:
if you fear reveling yourself to your partner to the degree to which it makes
you suppress aspects of yourself…is it a relationship you want to be in?
A healthy relationship allows you to explore your emotional
baggage together. The two people in relationship do this by accepting each
other how they are. Yet, this does
not mean we stubbornly stay the same, ignoring our partner’s feelings that hope
we may want to better ourselves for the sake of a better relationship. Sincere acceptance of your partner
gives your loved one a safe place to observe the “not so good qualities” they
may have. Subsequently, the love
you share for each other encourages the two of you to evolve out of the
emotional patterns that do not suit you anymore. This is how a healthy relationship sustains growth and
personal evolution.
Yet all good relationships do hit their “roadblocks.” Without
clearly communicating to each other there is bound to be incongruence,
dissonance, and strife within the relationship. Often times those relating may be too selfish to look within
and take ownership for the reasons that their relationship has become
challenged. Complicating the matter, those who act selfishly within the relationship
may become defense upon hearing their partner’s criticism. Furthermore, one or both of the
partners may be too afraid to voice their concerns. Those who are unwilling to voice their concerns may
emotionally shut off. Either way,
the relationship is on a course that may lead to its demise. It is important to realize though that whenever
a dissonance arises within a relationship it speaks to an incongruence someone
is having in his or her own personal life.
If there is a partner within the relationship that is having
a hard time being aware to their partners concerns, this speaks to their
inability to be emotionally present within the relationship. To be emotionally present within a
relationship goes hand in hand being emotionally present within. The relationship is a mirror into
yourself. Yet it is always good to
remember that being vulnerable and “showing up” emotionally within the context
of a relationship is an act of courage.
It is this act of courage that allows you to shed conscious awareness into
the unconscious aspects of self that are getting in the way of a harmonious
relationship.
When unconscious emotional and behavior patters get in the
way of the harmony of the relationship it is time for the love that the two people
have for each other to support the personal work that can be undertaken. During difficult times it is important
to remember what has brought you to this point. The meaning is not lost
if those who are in relationship can put their ego aside and remember the
significance of their partnership and how far it has brought them. Having this empathy for each other,
despite hard times, allows the two of you to communicate again.
Nurturing relationships exemplify patience and care. These relationships allow partners to
illuminate their vulnerabilities to each other. It allows for the two to propel each other forward by bringing
these aspects of egotistical selfishness and or their own fears of being heard
into their own conscious awareness.
Love and acceptance propel us then to dismantle these “not so good
qualities” and grow into higher aspects of yourself. Personal growth is achieved independently, but it is healthy
and conscious communication that supports this personal growth.
In conclusion, the reward of communicating and being honest
not only with your partner, but with yourself, is lasting love. Love is the outcome when the two of you
accept each other for being exactly who you are yet all the while encourage each
other to evolve into the people you desire to become.
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