To live completely, wholly, every day as if it were a new loveliness, there must be dying to everything of yesterday, otherwise you live mechanically, and a mechanical mind can never know what love is or what freedom is. - Krishnamurti
It seems to me that we come to know each other only in reflection to the experiences we have with people, places, and things. It would then seem plausible to think that we may come to know ourselves in a habitual manor when the people, places, and things of our lives become customary. But what happens when everything around us changes? What happens when we no longer witness our reflection the same way? This begs the question, can we ever truly understand ourselves?
I have not yet reached my final destination and settled into my new home on the west coast, but as I find my self here in Texas, witnessing my emersion into new people and experiences, I feel as if it may have been possible that I really never understood my self. What I mean to say is that while I was in New York and everything was customary I became tied to the definitions I held and thoughts I had about myself. In a static environment this happens to us all.
So what do I mean by understanding myself? Well let me first clarify. I do feel that there is always a timeless aspect to all of us that transcends all the self declarations of who we think we are. This is the knower from within that guides us and pushes us to develop our innate skills, but witnessing this aspect of ourself does not mean that we understand ourselves. For example, you may be a great cook, but that does not define your existence. Cooking is an act. Not something definite. because the act is always changing and evolving. Just like the fact that tomorrow is always a mystery so too is the person we are developing into. And it seems that this absolute sense of self is as transitory and mysterious as the future.
Our fears typically revolve around the unknowable and it seems that what causes us our greatest anxiety is change. But change on the exterior of our lives is necessary in order for us to come to witness different aspects of who we are. I am not saying I do not fear change, but in spite of it I must face it in order to grow. I feel that we can all relate to this principle. This is the space where liberation occurs and peace is found. In letting go and letting change occur naturally.
So if we become liberated by facing change head on without fear we loose the identifications we have built up about ourselves because we no longer resist what is occurring even in spite that it may run counter to what we wish to experience or what we think we should be experience. This becomes a peaceful experience when we no longer define ourselves with the thoughts we have about ourselves. So when you feel like you no longer understand yourself, do not become confused, you are moving closer to understanding your true nature as the timeless and undefinable creature that you are.
This is a life long process that has no end, but liberation is not an end, it is a journey. So understanding yourself becomes as mysterious and divine as life itself. This is the beauty of life and the eternal experience that creation has set up before us. This is why the healers talk about letting go. New experiences and challenges help you do just that. So why not take the internal road less traveled and push your boundaries? You have your whole life to do it. And you have your whole life to die to your yesterdays and live anew today. This is more refreshing than you may have imagined.
Image created by Willow Arlenea: The Visionary Art of Willow Arlenea