Sometimes we simply just don’t want to deal with the things that have us feeling out of balance. Yet, there comes a point where our mental unease brings about a life that is no longer enjoyable, and believe me, I know what that feels like. But could it be that the emotions we hide from contain a message we need to hear? At a time not so long ago this spoke very true to me.
For me, this unease came to a threshold when I quit my job on October 7th of last year [Ironically on my birthday]. For months I was battling in my mind with what I thought was right and what I felt was right in my heart. For nearly a two-year period I was working for my father at his successful textile company. Everything was set up for me and all I had to do was learn to love it. I was paid well, the atmosphere was laid back, and eventually I was to become the owner. But the whole time I felt unsatisfied. I kept saying to myself, the money is great, I love the people I work with, and I was working in the heart of New York City, how could I not love what I was doing? I had it made, but there was one thing missing…passion.
On a daily basis I interacted with fun and creative people to whom I sold some of the world’s most beautiful fabric. Yet, on the inside I was miserable. Interestingly enough, the house of cards fell for me during the height of the Occupy Wall Street movement. On typical workdays last summer I would take the subway downtown after work to rally and march in support of making known the injustices of society. In a way it seemed hypercritical, but I was doing what felt right. The Occupy movement connected me with a passion that had lay dormant within me for years. Subsequently, this passion had awoken me to what I was really feeling about my career. And so it was, on a mild fall evening in October, I quit the family business.
That evening as I was packing my stuff and saying goodbye my friend Juliette called me. “Are you going to meet me tonight at the meditation circle down at occupy tonight?” she asked. We met that evening and she sensed my unease. Like a good friend, she stood still with me, calmed my nerves, and assured me that I did the right thing because I followed my heart. As we walked into the occupy camp that night I saw a “sign” that I will never forget. In a pile of cardboard signs, depicting peoples art, quotes of empowerment, and signals of social and economic injustice, I saw one that literally stood out. It was on a stick that stood out higher than all the others and all it simply said was “coaching.” I gave out a lighthearted laugh and in that instant I knew I was destined to become a life coach.
Prior to this experience I had finished all the life coach training courses I needed to, but because of my busy work schedule I did not have the time to set aside to create and build my business. But here it was, my “sign” on a sign! It told me exactly what I needed to move towards. It was incredible to say the least. Furthermore, a few weeks prior to that I had an experience at Occupy that supported this life changing decision. You can read more about it here [Divine Synchronicity]. Regardless of the clarity that set upon me that evening, this change had been a long time coming. I had become complacent with my reality and these feelings of misery became normal.
I don’t think I am the only one who knows what that is like. Even if we do not want to admit it, feelings of miserable complacency may happen to all of us at some point or another. It may occur during a relationship, or like me, in the midst of a career. At this point it usually takes a life experience or a pivotal point in ones relationship with another that makes you feel what it is that you are unaware of inside so that you make a change. For me, it was the experience of Occupy, the love of good friends, and a latent desire for a new life.
I admit getting in touch with the whole gauntlet of human emotions is not always easy. On the surface, it may feel as if nothing is wrong, but brewing in the realms of our unconsciousness is a state of emotional unease. Think of the times when you have had to have another person point out to you how sad or angry you were before you actually became aware of what you were feeling.
Again, it usually takes a humbling realization or a crucial life experience to “tip your scales” and awaken you into a state of self-realization; whereas we allow ourselves to feel what it is that we are feeling. In the dawn of this often painful and humbling realization you are given the choice. At this point you can either take ownership for your feelings and create the change you need or you can continue to disregard your unease and make excuses for yourself. You may justify your unease and misery by saying things to yourself like “the world is just not fair” or, “it is just normal not to love what you do.”
Believe me, I only come to write this material because I know what it is to come to the realization of my own unconscious self-ignorance. It was a very humbling process to realize how complacent I was with feeling miserable and having a career I did not feel passionate about.
No one is perfect and no one is immune to the emotional ebbs and flows of life. But each time emotional unease brews within you it creates the platform for our own evolution. Without our ignorance there would be nothing to evolve into. Our ignorance gives us the ability to know deeper aspects of ourselves. So with that being said, forgive yourself! You can move towards passion instead of feeling triumphed by fear. It is Ok to be afraid, but it is up to you to conquer this fear.
Any misery or emotional unease you may feel is your inner guide trying to communicate something to you. Of course this is not the only way in which your inner guide communicates with you, but it is a necessary one.
All of this is part of the journey, but what at speed do you want your life to unfold the way you want it to? Remember the statements we heard as children, such as “dream big,” or “make your dreams a reality?” Well, what is your life for, but if not to make manifest your desires? Is your life for someone else or is it for you?
Acting out of self love as opposed to heeding your fears speeds up your evolutionary process. Creating the life situation you really desire is all about having the courage to defy your fears and having faith that your self-love will propel you into the experiences that will bring this desired change. Step by step life will test these convictions, but your courageous actions in each successive moment change everything.
It is important to realize that your goals are never ending. There is never an endpoint that is going to liberate you. There is only following in this moment what your heart is telling you. What is really going to liberate you is being grateful for what the journey has presented you with.
We do not always have control over everything in our lives, but we certainly do have control as to how we interact with what occurs. We will always be in a cycle of ignorance and awareness; we will always be within the movement between unconsciousness and consciousness. But see that this cycle is not circular movement, it is a spiral one…and the more intent you put into consciously creating the life you want the more quickly you will evolve up that spiral. That is the journey. You may take a step back, but you will take two steps forward…remember, taking that step back was necessary. There is perfection in in-perfection!
So I ask you, are you grateful for this moment? This is the moment that presents you with the ability to make manifest what it is that you desire for yourself. Being grateful shifts your energy and inevitably shifts your life. All interactions with people, places, and things, present the opportunity to step into a state of awareness that grants you control over your internal disposition. What it is that you feel on the inside declares to the world who and what you are. And who you are declares what you will become…
You have control despite whatever it is you may think or feel now. Find your control in the faith and knowing that your life will advance if you seek what is natural for yourself. You can find what is natural for you though only in the depths of your heart. So seek your truth and so shall you be free from your misery…
For me it was not natural to be doing what I was doing for those two years. And I know now it takes being what you’re not to find out who you are. I am grateful for that experience in retrospect. It allowed me to tap into a sense of courage that I used to only idealize. In the culmination of those two years I was granted with the greatest birthday gift I ever gave myself...self-honesty...