Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The Duality of "Awareness" and Thought

Awareness: as a state of being...
Thought: as a state of mind...

I do so frequently forget - forget to be aware of the things I see - because so often my "awareness" is funneled through the filter of thought and memory. There are of course no cut and dry rules to observation and awareness, but I do realize myself getting lost in my own thoughts. Yet I seek another state of being that bypasses this process. I seek a state of awareness where thoughts and judgments begin to dissolve. The key then to achieving this while my mind is in analytic mode, it seems, is to observe the judgments, but to see the unimportance of them. Because simply put, these thoughts are illusions in the sense that they are temporal. For what I see in the visual plane is what it is and nothing more. It extends into the eternal moment of now. The application of words to the visual experience only limits the actual experience, by funneling this inherently experiential experience through the filter of words which are inherently limited themselves. As Krisnamurti stated, "you cannot know the unknown through the process of the known." What he was eluding to is that we cannot observe the divine through the lens of the collected known (thoughts, ideas, and memories).

More practically speaking, my ego, although an aspect of my being that should not be condemned, engulfs my being in its "drama" and funnels the energy that could be used to be "aware" into the area of thought and limited existence.

*I state that the ego should not be condemned because when you judge the ego as something bad or something that should be changed, what happens is only the perpetuation of more ego. So when I say to myself, I should not judge myself like this, I kept alive the very force that I desire to dismantle. Yet, what makes things interesting is the observation of the paradox I find myself in...For in my state of awareness - where I sense and feel that "all is one," I loose sight of the ego as if it never existed...but the days are eternal and I am drawn back down into my state of ego (the state of relative existence) because I do witness myself as a separate entity. And on many levels this warrants the discriminating judgments, both internal and external. So the paradox seemingly exists; that I am both a piece of existence, an entity, as well as the whole itself (that is if I am to honor feeling and not just rational intelligence, for "awareness" in the way I tell of it is a feeling and not necessarily a thought, although thoughts may follow). Amazingly, both the relative and the oneness exist simultaneously.

This is something that I admit is beyond my current understanding...How both a sense of separateness and oneness can exist at the same time (non-duality)...Because I have my own ability to think and decide for myself apart from the rest of the masses. The mind understands that both I and the rock are separate, but from a grander more divine perspective I realize that the relative world could only possibly be experienced if there were a "fabric" that holds it all together. This divine "fabric" is what I sense when I sense the "oneness." Because only when I bring myself away from my thoughts can I sense this; only when I see beyond the relative can I sense the whole. And it is the senseing of this fabric and the knowing that I am a part of this fabric brings me to the realization that all is one.

And what does this sensing feel like? It feels like love. For what else would hold existence together if not love? For what emotional energy would we attribute to the phenomena of having the desire to live in the first place? To illustrate: as the trees climb higher to capture the sun, as the fish eludes its predator, as the people procreate... I wonder why? to live? but why live if not propelled by the force of love... and we should realize that the fear of non-existence is nothing more but the fear of not being able to experience oneself anymore. Are we really afraid of death, or are we really afraid of not being able to experience existence?...is that not fueled love?. And through this feeling is what brings all of this together and an experiential understanding of the "ether" that holds all of this that we call life, together. All of this relative and oneness stuff... For the basis of our relationships are inextricably tied to this natural experience.

From this realization we can begin to see how blessed we are for being different (in all capacities). This relative existence gives us the ability to see how we exist among others and it therefore allows us to see, in a greater capacity, how we choose to live and create who we are; for our differences create the contrast in our lives. For we relate to the relative...This is our blessing, our gift, and although this may make us feel alone and isolated from time to time, although it creates the ability for extreme differences and prejudice to form, and for wars to exist....it creates the opportunity for ultimate connectivity, unity, and the experiential realization of love. So the wise see that the greatest gift of the relative is our ability to choose how we relate or not relate to what we experience...and in that we are only left with choice...The choice to be aware or to be reactive...The choice to live from love or from fear....and the choice to connect through our differences - for we could never experience ourselves if it was not for the other.

So in conclusion, awareness is both an activity of thought and non thought. It can allow us to experientialy experience the oneness all around us and within us and help us live and base our lives on this glorious experience or it can dictate our lives based on our beliefs and thoughts so that we become reactive. The former seems more pleasing, yet our egos are tied up in the latter, for who are we if we are not to relate? The answer, from an intellectual capacity, still eludes me...but the feeling most certainly does not.

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