Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Repetitive Patterns in our Relationships: Enhancing our Conscious Awareness of Self Through the Mirror of Relationship

At the core of each and everyone of us we desire to be loved. We also desire to bring love into someone else's life. Typically we are graced with these opportunities throughout our lives. Some more so than others although it is not the quantity of relationship that matters but the quality. One person may acquire as much love and experience from one relationship as another would from three separate ones. It is all about intent. Yet often we find that our intent makes itself manifest in repetitive patterns in our relationships. There is an unconscious element to this.

As it is, we are always in relationship. There is never true isolation. Even when we are alone. We are in constant relationship with the environment and its people around us. Our inward projections, our emotions, reveal the unconscious and conscious feelings that play themselves out in our relationships. Many of us, if not all of us to a certain degree, are still in relationship to the past. This is where the unconscious element is found. For we would not relate to the past if we were fully conscious of this. Yes we may be sentimental to the past, but this is not what I am referring too.

The relationship to the past consists of the emotional "residue" [emotional body] that was created through the interaction of our inherent personality with the experiences of our entire lives, from our infancy all the way to the present moment. It is this emotional body, along with our individual mode of expression, that influences the way in which we interact with everything and everyone.

It is the emotional body that influences the "conditions" of our relationships. The conditions being our emotional responses to the variables of our inter-personal relationships:

What is important to conceptualize is that we filter our relationships through our emotional body. This causes us to create conditions that play out our intra-psychic energy [intra-psychic meaning it deals just with the relationship to oneself, as opposed to inter-psychic which refers to our relationship with another]. What I mean by "play out" is that we reflect our intra-psychic processes on another to cause an energy that resonates between the two people. When both people do this to another...that is, they play out inther intra-psychic enegry upon another the couple creates an interplay to whereas ones own inra-psychic energy can be magnified., become more easily perceptible. This is the mirror of relationship. This is how we can see deeply within the reflective mirror of another into the depths of our unconscious and conscious aspects of being.

The mirror of relationship allows us to look deeply into ourselves. I think we can agree that it is the emotional body that causes us to "react" in our relationships. When we cater to the emotional body we cater to the past. We "play out" our past upon another [this is the basis for conditions within a relationship]. This is not to say that our relationships and experiences are not to be emotional, they are...very much so...but when our mind shapes the emotional body in a way, when the mind identifies with the pain and hence holds it in place...the emotion experienced becomes an emotion of the past. We repeat the past. That is if we are unconscious of our intra-psychci energy. The more we are aware of our intra-psychic process the more we can be released from the conditions we so typically put around love and walk into the experience of love as if it is a liberating exchange of energy.

We are "reactive" when we let the past unconsciously affect how we relate to the current relationship [in whatever capacity]. The emotional body is mostly unconscious to us, but the more conscious we become of it, the more we are able to walk more deeply into unconditional love. I make such a broad connection based on the observation that in my own life, the more I have become aware of my own patterns and relation to my current relationships, the more I realize I have the capacity within me to move into a state of openness with everyone. "Openness" is "oneness" with another.

Of course I am guarded like anyone else, but I strive to come to accept and witness that everyone acts the way they do, including myself, in a way that acts to protect their heart from pain, from abandonment, and from lose. Yes pain, abandonment, and lose, are mind concepts of which derived from our relation to fear that has been driven into us through social fear paradigms...yes, these mind concepts are in a sense abstract and not "real" for they are the past, yet these pains nonetheless linger within us and we attribute to them their "realness" through our identification with them [which more likely than none is unconscious too us]. This perpetuates the emotional body and enables it to be "real." For if the mind "knows" that this fear is real, than it becomes our experience [and we suppress aspects of ourselves, we let lie dormant aspects of our conscious awareness to ward ourselves from our sensitivity...becuase when we are sensitive in a fearful world...we embody it very deeply.]

The emotional pain body is unconscious to us for there are painful things that we wish not to deal with. But I promise you this, when we become brave enough to look beneath the surface we grant ourselves the opportunity to liberate ourselves from the unconscious impulses that keep us in repetitive patterns in our relationships. And it are these repetitive patterns that create the conditions of our relationships. And conditions, only limit the love, put a box around it, and diminish its ability to heal. For healing is growing and growing sometimes is not always pain free. But "growing" is freedom, for this is what the soul yearns for. Remember, the pain only comes from the witnessing of our unconscious reservoir, but it is a reservoir that is not infinite and can be cleared. Unconditional love is possible for us all.

What exactly is unconditional love? I can use words to try to describe it, but it nonetheless evades definition. For how can the most profound act of existence itself be contained by words. But I can say one is a love that makes us feel more alive, it is a love that encourages us to keep evolving. Maybe conditions will always exist...maybe the unconscious reservoir will always exist; maybe that is the purpose of the relative world. Yet what I am saying is that there is always something too move towards. There is a karmic and spiritual purpose for growth through the mirror of relationship. It seems to me that the purpose is too allow ourselves to shed the emotional past so that the soul of self, the absolute self, can transcend the conditions that the emotional body and the mind create. The mind, and the ego may always "be here" with us, for they "should," for they allow us to know what we are transcending, but when the "should" is transformed into "irrelevant" we have moved closer to world peace and harmony [do not think that world peace does not exist through the mirror of relationship. That is the only place it exists].

So allow yourself to take a step back. Witness another. Witness their defenses. And what you may begin to see may profoundly transform you. For in that moment you may realize that their condition, there inability to unconditionally love you stems from the psychic pain to which they identify with. The past has held a lot of pain for us and when we witness this in another we begin to see how they unconditionally love to ward themselves from the preconceived pain that they "may" receive from another. In a world of "what if's" and "possibilities" we protect ourselves from the pain too which we feel is inherent in relationships. We have been conditioned, through the pain of our parents, to see that all love contains conditions. It is a pain body that has moved with us from generation to generation and is also contained with the social norms. Yet, when we become aware of this pain within another we are given the ability to see it comfortably within ourselves...This is not a selfish thing, this is not a cop out. This is just the mirror of relationship. Because to see something in another means that we give ourselves the opportunity to see "it" within ourselves. It is all about opportunity, for the opportunity of unconditional love, or love beyond the conditions that the pain body creates for us is within our reach.


  1. I absolutely love, and appreciate this blog to the fullest extent that one is capable of doing such things. :-)

  2. Thank you for sharing this, I now feel more in control and able to find a new way to approach my scenario!