Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Growth Through the Mirror of Relationship
Relationship is mirror through which we witness ourselves. When witnessing another it is hard to say whether or not we are really witnessing who they are or whether or not we are witnessing our self through them. I question if there really is a difference between these two ways of perceiving? Hopefully this dialogue will bring us to a closer understanding of what relationship means to us and how we can best work with them to illuminate our own individual consciousness. This is growth through the mirror of relationship.
Relating to another can either come from a place of reaction, meaning that emotions "automatically" stir up within us; This causes us to act unconsciously, for we are relating to the other from the conditioned and ritualistic behavioral patterns that we have adopted from the past. This is a way of relating that is rigid and stagnant. On the other hand, relating to another can also bring us into a greater state of consciousness. I believe that this was the intention of the duality that brings us into relationship...so that we can become conscious of our own unconscious impulses and work through our karma (the stuff that may have accumulated through relationships from our past - even past lives). Because it is not until we shed the layers from the darkest corners of our essence that we can become illuminated to the point that we become the pure embodiment of absolute consciousness.
Sometimes the trauma and pain that we endure from another through relationship (for we are always in relationship with everything - even the so called "stranger") pushes us to create defenses and moves us into a reactive state. But we cannot move past these defenses until we become aware and accept what it is that pushed us into the reactive state to begin with. For instance, maybe a stressful parental relationship that made us feel less than what we are pushed us too devise a defensive reactive behavioral pattern in relationship to them (*and now in relationship with ourselves). It is learning to become aware how you relate to them (broadening conscious awareness) and then coming to accept what occurred or what is occurring for they are acting out of their own reactionary patterns. Or maybe it was something as serious as coming to accept the person who maliciously hurt you. Essentially we have to become conscious of the thing that drove us into a state of unconsciousness and then learn to accept and forgive. For in this forgiveness we forgive the aspect of our self that we felt was left damaged.
(***to whatever degree***because all of this, everything in this dialogue...especially when i speak of unconscious behavior and conscious behavior, is all a matter of degree. Essentially there is no "absolute consciousness...for the absolute is always expanding into the infinite expanses of the ever expanding conscious reality).
Shedding the "dark" corners of our unconsciousness necessarily means that we are bringing awareness into our reactivity. And not only does it take diligence to become aware of what we are unaware of...it more importantly takes forgiveness for the act or person that pushed us to form reactive defenses.
In the event that trauma or pain occurs we eventually are brought to an opportunity to forgive. This is always a matter of choice, but through the experience of trauma (small and large) and subsequent acceptance of these events we become more empathic, more sensitive, and more compassionate. It takes a highly evolved person to be conscious of another, to feel empathy for another. The empathic personality was born from this person working through their own karmic path (allowing the unconscious to become conscious). This process awoke them to their own reactivity. This raised their own level of consciousness and hence brought them to a place of a "higher vibration."
We are all empathic people at the core level, for in us lies the infinite pool of conscious awakening. Yet, sometimes we may get so engulfed by the pain of another, especially if a loved one, that that pain becomes our own. We do everything we can to free the other person for in doing so we seek to free ourselves. Yet, although this comes from a place of sincere compassion, there is a hint of reactivity here. For in this place we fail to see that the person whom we love, whom we care for is on their own journey. We want to act a as "savior" because we love this person, but when we get so engulfed by their pain that it becomes our own there is a pain that is brewed within our own being.
We can assist someone in helping them grow, but we cannot do the growing or force them to grow.
Essentially what is happening is that we are unconscious of our reactivity to save them, but the key here, and what goes unregistered to us, is that in trying to save them we are trying to save ourselves. We may defend and say that we feel the pain they do, and this may be true, but when the pain that we feel, that is born within us, becomes the motivator to save someone, we have become unconscious to our own reactivity. The reactivity in this sense is created because we fail to see why we are so glued to become a savor. This is beautiful, do not get me wrong, but there is a vital lesson to learn here. Sometimes we need to accept that we are only the creators of our own life. A good therapist would have learned this.
The life of pain, confusion, or fear, that another perpetuates through unconsciousness is not yours. In our willingness to be a savior we reinforce to our loved one that they need to "change." This typically causes a defensive reactive pattern within the other and could actually push them deeper in to the darkness of their own reactivity. They will only see the light of day if they choose to. This is the basis of their freewill. When we let go and let the other walk their own path we give them the opportunity to find their own salvation (even if this person is our lover). This allows the other the freedom to do as they need and empowers them to feel as if they are their own creator. This frees the "savior" from feeling compelled to save another. The burden is lifted and the one seeking to help the other can now focus their conscious awareness back on their own presence. On the opposing end the other is given a supreme opportunity to step into their own awakening.
Fundamentally we already are absolute consciousness. It just takes the realization that we are much more than we actually believe ourselves to be so that we can move into the knowing that we are absolute consciousness. The reactive state is perpetuated by the ego and its identity forms. "Belief" is a thought form that the ego employees to keep us in a stagnant state of identity. "Knowing" is a state without judging what one is, for they "know" that they simply are.
The "Is-ness" is all we "are." And this is to be discovered in feeling, not thought.
Through accepting and forgiving oneself to the fact that we are not what we think we are, we illuminate to an even greater degree the true nature of our being. Remember that we are already whole and united as we move higher and higher up the spiritual spiral of enlightenment. We are already "whole," we just become an even deeper realization of this "wholeness" through the awakening of our consciousness. Forgiveness and acceptance of oneself is the first step towards illuminating the light of love into the reactive unconscious. This is spiritual evolution. This is growth, This is EVERYONE'S destiny...For we all make our way from the darkness into the light...into the isolation of duality and into the love of oneness...Is this your moment?