Monday, March 7, 2011

On Love and Sex

As a society we have become obsessed with the sensate pleasures of sex. We have physical bodies that incarnate in a physical world and of course we are to enjoy the physical pleasures, we would not be human if we did not, but it often seems that we have lost sight of the pleasures of the human union as they relate to the heart felt experiences that we really do yearn for. When we become aware of our higher nature, when we remember that we are souls that incarnate in body, do we experience the sexual union on a deeper level. With a refinement of our energies, meaning when we awaken the aspects of self that are not contained by the ego and conditions, does the sexual exchange become more of a heart experience. Because no longer do we want to poses our lovers, no longer do we use our lovers for an orgasm. The mind believes it must contain the other in order to "have" the other.

Sex, in our conventional world, has often become a means of emotional barter. When we have sex with our partners there is a momentary emotional ease. Through this act we believe that the person we are with really "wants to be with us." For we have brought each other to orgasm and we temporarily reinforced that there is "chemistry." If we are acting from a place where we need mental confirmation, we are driven by the mind. And the mind, the rational part of us, cannot feel, so therefore it has no basis for fulfillment and hence it always wants more. This is the ego...

Sex and relationship from this point of view is of a lower vibrational existence. Meaning relationships that operate at this level do so at a level of the lower chakras. And because we are inherently spiritual beings incarnating in a physical world, there are aspects of our existence that are left "unactivated." We may not even be aware of this, but become aware of your feelings before, during, and after sexual union (even days after) and see how you are relating to your partner. Is there emotional security in this act? And as common as it may be, this feeling of emotional security through sex, does the feeling of temporal security only exist because there is an existential gap within our own being? Is there a part of us, that is independent of the relationship, that is not whole? When we live within the relationship realm are we bartering fleeting emotions that arise during the sexual act? Do we believe that this is how one posses another? Do we believe that this is how we are to be in relationship, to live our unions through the fleeting emotions created from the mind? Have we forgotten about the subtle love of the soul? Forget what you know, what you believe, and you will be re-awoken to the endless love which finds itself apparent in gratitude for your own life, for your relationships (both platonic and romantic), and for the earth that sustains your existence. You forget when you quiet the mind and allow the "language" of the soul to surface.

We may even rebel against the statements above. We may rebel and say that there is nothing more pleasurable in this physical world than sex and so therefore I seek to find the partner that will bring me the best sex. We may state that it is only human to have unrelenting desires, that it is only human to live from the ego. And of course these statements are true, because they may be true to you. Your life becomes manifest through the choices you make and the thoughts you identify with. But I ask, is there something more to living through your thoughts? Is there something beyond the ego? Something beyond the conditional relationship? Is there a type of relationship that asks for nothing because the partners are already fulfilled in there own personal awakening?

For the awoken person already knows that he or she is inherently in relationship with everyone and everything - so why not love that which he or she senses...For this sensing is who you are...The thoughts are mere abstractions...The feelings beyond the thoughts is what is real...Cannot you not feel the relationship all around you? Do not ask the mind for confirmation...just feel this...

When we are no longer reactive to the ego and the conditioned thought paradigms that "the ego" learned through our emotionally repressive society does something within us become alive...This is the way of being that is not bound to the mind and to the emotions that the mind creates. It is very important to awaken to the fact that the mind creates the majority of the feelings we feel.

There may be a moment during sexual union where you look into your partners eyes and realize the ecstasy of their existence. Essentially this is you witnessing your own beauty through theirs (This is the realization of beauty in the now). This is union of a higher vibration. You tingle with excitement for this person makes you feel more alive, makes you feel more like who you are! Because through this union you feel the inherent interconnectedness of the ALL of reality.

Take note that I use the word through instead of in ("Because through this union"). Because it is through our intimate relationships that you come to know about relationship in general. I use through to describe the relationship as a rite of passage, a passage into a deeper sensing of experience. Instead of using the word "in," which could mean that the relationship brings you in, contains you. A healthy relationship will set you free. A healthy relationship will enable you to experience a deeper reality...A reality that moves through you into a realm beyond you. To the contrary, an unhealthy relationship will contain you and bring you in. The latter usually happens due to an insecurity that either both or one of the partners have because they feel that they will be "less than" without their partner (can you see the conditional relationship here? - and this is not to say we would not be sad without our partner - that is something completely different - dependence and grief are two different things). So therefore they act to emotionally barter with their partner. This leads to disharmony between the partners as it manifests in ways both subtle and obvious. There is a transference that occurs to where both partners feel the existential void.

RE-MEMBER: you are a part of the whole, and therefore you are the whole, inextricably tied to all of existence...You are already the everything...and already you are satisfied as you are a movement of love within the fabric of creation...That is, if you let go of the confining aspects of the mind that occur when we identify with our thoughts and allow yourself to be free and be here NOW.

The "honeymoon" phases of our relationships unfortunately often fade quickly. But they fade quickly because we become trapped within the memory of these experiences. These moments are fleeting because we often try to identify these experiences through the mind. We seek more of these ecstasy experiences with our partners because it felt good on a very heart felt level. But when we "search" for these experiences we are employing the mind to create something that it cannot for what we are looking for is already in front of us (that is if we are sensitive to realizing what we see without the mind grappling with what we witness and changing it to the expected).

So to keep our relationships fresh, exciting, and "new," we have to be fresh, exciting, and new in our own being. And we do this by being in the NOW, for the NOW is inherently fresh, new, and exciting. This is because it is not tied to any stagnant thought, and it is simply the witnessing of the awe-some existence. So stay aware and stay present and do not live your life or experience your partner with how you "believe" they are. Instead see them in this moment, for this is who they are. No word or thought can explain who they are. They simply are. And in these moments, when the mind is silent, the union between the two becomes profound. The sexual union becomes more than physical pleasure. Physical pleasure is just the base of this experience. Light and love will permeate this union. Freedom will come through the love and passion will tie the two in solidarity and companionship, for the act of sex will become a celebration of this grand experience. This is the experience of the experiential knowingness that all is one. There is supreme gratefulness in act of conscious, now-centered, ego-less, sexual union! So look at your partner as if you have no idea who they are...because they are not contained by words and thoughts...and you may then begin to see who they really are...

For they are nothing but beautiful...


  1. ahhh, and then the beauty of free will and diversity, is that the sexual experience, when with the right partner, can be any kind of experience, and still be perfect.

  2. Yeah for sure, its beautiful what the comforts of trust can bring into the sexual life of a couple. Perfect indeed. Thanks for sharing Aliza!

  3. Love and sex both are nice things if we love anybody sex will happen with him/her.. Both things shows there love..

  4. Really nice and interesting blog...

  5. Awesome information about Love and Sex everybody love this thing...